Nan Karr Kaufenberg

Remembering Carrie block print, 14 x 15"

In the months that followed, I grasped at anything that would help me to survive the pain and ease me into my unwanted new life. After several months, I was able to resume working with my art and I found that for me, this was a beginning to a return to the outside world.

I have worked with block prints for over fifteen years and have found the process to be a satisfying and calming activity. The first print I completed after Carrie’s death was Remembering Carrie. The idea came from a photograph of Carrie that I had taken on a family vacation to the North Shore of Lake Superior. In the print, she is facing the water and her gesture made me think she was embracing her world. It helped me to feel a connection to her again through the drawing and carving of her form on the block of linoleum. The only area of the print that is in color is her clothing because her favorite color was bright orange.

Carries Poppies block print, 13 x 16"

The next print of orange poppies is Carrie’s Poppies. Carrie had asked me to make her a print of orange flowers for her apartment several months before she died. I hadn’t had time to do that for her so it was important to me to do them in her memory. I have incorporated many orange things into my life to help me remember Carrie—from household furnishings to orange clothing. Our family and friends have done the same.

I have found that I will never “recover” from the loss of my daughter. I have come to accept that this will be an ongoing process of recovery from the remainder of my life. I must struggle each day to find positive reasons for being and work through the pain to find the happy memories. My artwork helps me to document the memories, which gives me a small measure of peace.