
Lisa Dietz

Lisa Dietz, Faces
|
In 2001, I began working with fabric as a means of creative expression
to help me to deal with three years I spent in an abusive relationship
with a man who beat me and abused me mentally, emotionally and
sexually. When I was five months pregnant with my son, he kidnapped
me and took me to Europe where we lived out in the country with
no phones, electricity or even running water. He experimented
on me with brainwashing techniques such as forcing me to fast
for long periods of time (even while I was nursing my son),
not allowing me to sleep, giving me limited access to bathroom
facilities and relentlessly screaming his distorted evil into
my brain so that I could become “nothing.”
I was destroyed by his torture, but managed to escape with
my son three years later (1986). Thus began a long, arduous
road to recovery. I have always been a creative person and
use writing and art as a means to work through the horror
to carve out a way of life.
As I began working with fabric, I became intrigued with using
women’s faces as symbols for those whose lives had been
shattered just like mine. I found myself gradually moving
toward a representation of healing and thus, in 2005, I used
face templates and patched them back together with different
types of fabric to represent my inner healing and that of
others so that a new picture formed. The new face was different
from the original which is the way things are with all people
healing from trauma. We piece our lives back together to form
a new persona.
I worked on this table runner (or wall hanging) for about
3 months as a Christmas gift for my mother. It was completed
in December 2005. It is the first work of art that I completed
using the idea of faces.
This essay began as an e-mail I wrote to someone who asked
me how she could identify triggers from past traumas so that
she could put a stop to “acting out” kinds of
behavior. The e-mail made me examine this question more deeply.
I decided at last to explore this issue using concrete examples
of how I dealt with triggers. I had read about this subject
in self-help books, but always it seemed like vague theories
or psycho-babble. I wanted to be concrete and precise about
the events of my life in hopes that other people who were
victims of trauma could relate to it in a way that was not
just theory.
I wrote the e-mail in 2002, but began the essay in 2004.
This draft was completed in November of 2005.
|