Linda Brant-Malm
Linda Brant-Malm, Grounding Quilt
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I have post-traumatic stress disorder as a result of being beaten up. Someone I care about very much was seriously depressed and suicidal. I was desperately trying to take him to his psychiatrist, but he did not want to go. I had brought him to the hospital one year earlier and they prevented him from committing suicide at that time. He blamed me for still being alive. He didn't want me to get in the way again, so he tried to kill me instead by bashing my head against a concrete floor. As the assault was happening, I was afraid it would end in a murder/suicide. I never screamed and I didn't fight back. Instead, I tried to reason with him. That's not an easy thing to do with someone who is depressed. After an hour and fifteen minutes of pinning me down, he got up. I won because we are both still alive. I sent a message that I would not talk to him again until he sought out psychiatric help.
Since then, I have been in therapy for almost five years. In the beginning, I could only talk about how I needed to help him. They assured me that he had his own doctors. Then, they tried very hard to convince me that I needed to be their patient.
I also have conversion disorde. This means that I shut out my emotions of sad, mad, and scared. They come out in exhaustion, extreme physical weakness, and pain. I had intermittent hysterical paralysis for a couple years. I lost my job because of my disability.
I go to art therapy. Each piece of my art is a part of my story. I started to recognize that my physical symptoms had to do with fear. Then the symptoms went away. My psychiatrist was amazed at my recovery. He said I was phenomenal.
I don't cry and I still haven't gotten in touch with my sadness or anger. I've been told that I need to. It's a long road to recovery and I'm still working on it. It takes a lot of baby steps.
The person who beat me up has apologized. He is doing okay and we are close. I will always love him.
Linda Brant-Malm
Living in a Lava Lamp
Linda Brant-Malm, Group Therapy
Linda Brant-Malm, Dare to Dream Again
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Linda Brant-Malm, Elephant Bed
Linda Brant-Malm, Scared
Linda Brant-Malm, Fragile
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