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This past year, my long-term relationship began to unravel gradually. My relationship with my partner was getting worse and worse, and she started becoming threatening and abusive towards me. I was afraid and not sure where to turn so I sought counseling at Cornerstone, in Bloomington, Minnesota. I became acquainted with the Power and Control wheel and my situation started to make more sense. I realized that I was no longer safe in my home and that I was also afraid for the safety of our two young children. My partner left me a threatening note, used emotional and physical abuse towards me, and also threatened to make me lose my job. My counselor at Cornerstone told me that I could file an Order For Protection and that would temporarily remove my partner from the house. I was afraid to do this and kept putting it off until the incidents started to become more intense. Finally, I went to court and filed an Order for Protection. This was approved by the judge and removed my ex-partner from our house. I was awarded temporary physical and legal custody of our children. The judge agreed that there were findings of domestic abuse on my ex-partner’s part, and said that she needed to move out of the house. I had to deal with all of these events while keeping down a full-time job and caring for our two young children. The first piece entitled “Quiet. Act Normal. Don’t Bring it Up. Remember, You’re Only a Statistic,” I did for a faculty show at a local art college to describe what it feels like and how so many people either don’t believe things from your point of view or are uncomfortable hearing about domestic abuse. I was also shocked by the statistics about domestic abuse and wanted to share that information with the viewer. The next piece, “Domestic Abuse in Native American Women” was done as a portfolio exchange. I wanted to share the words and symbols of the Power and Control wheel and depict a woman caught in the middle of an abusive relationship. The last piece, “I Gave Her the House and Walked Away with My Soul,” describes the process I went through to let go of the house we owned together. I ended up signing over my share of our house, in exchange for my freedom, even though my family had made the down payment and I had made most of the mortgage payments.
Part of my reason for creating these pieces is that I want to help break the silence regarding domestic abuse. I want anyone caught in an abusive relationship to know there are organizations and resources available to help them on their journey to a better life. Or, perhaps I should say there are “angels” ready to help them when they take that first step and walk away.
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