Laura A. Olson

Laura A. Olson, Silent Illusion

My name is Laura. I became a ward of the state in August 1954 at the age of 7. My first entry into the court system began with a court ordered out of home placement in October 1947 at age 6 months. For the purpose of this entry submission, I am referring to my experiences as a foster child in one of my foster care placements that began in June 1955 at the age of 8. I was sexually abused by my main perpetrator in this placement as a foster child up until age 12. In July 1959, I no longer was a foster child. I signed for my own adoption by these people. My sexual abuse would continue for another 4 years. The active, ongoing sexual abuse of me stopped when my main perpetrator married and moved out of the house.

I became a member of the “Don’t Family.” The core family members were: Don’t Talk, Don’t Feel, Don’t Trust, Don’t See, and Don’t Hear. I became an object some time in this process just to endure the abuse and neglect in my life. My sense of “normal” was so skewed and my own growth so impaired in so many aspects of self. I entered counseling in August 2003 at the age of 56. It would take 9 months of work with my counsel to discover that I was emotionally impaired. My emotional age then was somewhere between 5-8 years old. I would begin to experience the ability of becoming volitional in my own life in 2004 as I began to initiate choices in my own life. I began then to also embrace the need to enter the aspect of creating and experiencing a social life of my own. It would be October 2006 before I discovered that I was sexually impaired by my abuse. The spiritual aspect of me was also affected. In August 2004 I would leave the religious affiliation I had been an active participant in for the previous 14 years. As I healed and grew, it became clear that this religious affiliation was the experience of being in a cult for me.

It was in unhealthy, dysfunctional connections/relationships that I became impaired. It would be in healthier connections, support, and developing friendships that I began to find healing. I reached a new level of awareness of my own healing in April 2008 reflected by this mask and its description. I now have a growing voice and have lost my own “invisibility.”